Disgusting
by HeirToTheShadows
Summary: "It disgusted her that she wanted something more from him, that she didn't want to be 'Friends with Benefits.'" Cana is disgusted by herself, Laxus, their relationship, all of it. So why does she stay? Part 1 of my Disgusting/It Girl/Hide and Seek trilogy


**A/N- Just a short Laxana fic to tide over my craving of Laxana moments until I have time later in the week to start an actual chapter story. Hope you enjoy.**

**This fic was inspired by Disgusting by Kesha. I'm very angry with my roommate. STOP PLAYING THAT SONG!**

**This is a birthday fic for… ME! Happy birthday, me. **

**Disclaimer- I think we all understand how this works.**

Cana stared at Laxus from across the guild, one thought running over and over through her head.

~It's disgusting.~

She didn't understand why she felt the way she did. She didn't understand why Laxus was the only one able to break down her wall of protection that she had built her first day at the guild, when her father hadn't known her. She didn't understand why she wanted him.

But she did. And it disgusted her.

He disgusted her, with his love of power, and his Thunder God Tribe, and his 'Oh, I'm the Master's grandson' on her first day. He disgusted her with his perfect blonde hair, and his perfect muscles, and the fact that he never got hangovers. He disgusted her with his ridiculous good looks, and his ridiculous powers, and the rumors going around about his ridiculous… well, anyway. He disgusted her with the way he made her want him, and he disgusted her with his condescending attitude.

She disgusted herself. She was disgusted that she wanted him, she was disgusted that she liked him, she was disgusted that she let him in. She was disgusted that she let him get to her, and she was disgusted that when she was thirteen and he bought her her first drink, she had pushed her feelings for him onto the drink, and now she was hooked for life. She was disgusted that if she couldn't get his attention, she got grumpy, and if she could, she was happy. She was disgusted that she let herself have sex with the ass.

She was disgusted by their relationship. 'Friends with benefits', he liked to call it. She preferred to call it, 'Laxus is a user, and I can't say 'no' to him'. She was disgusted with the fact she let their relationship turn out that way, and that he had let her let it happen. She was disgusted with the fact that every time she was with him, she heard her mother's voice echoing in her head, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" She was disgusted with her life. She was just plain disgusted.

She hated him, she hated herself, she hated alcohol, and she hated their relationship. It annoyed her that he was so good at getting her to follow his lead, and getting her to try new things. It pissed her off that he understood her better then anyone else, including herself. She wanted to cry when she started her period, and he had shown up fifteen minutes beforehand with a two boxes of donuts and a romantic comedy saying, "You're gonna need these."

She did cry when she woke up the next morning snuggling with him on the couch.

It disgusted her that she wanted something more from him, that she didn't want to be 'Friends with Benefits.'

She didn't understand anything about them. She didn't understand why Laxus was always craving sex, but never wanted to sleep over. She didn't understand why most of the times he was rough and teasing, but occasionally he would show up in the middle of the night with a weird expression on his face, and just hold her for a few minutes before leaving. She didn't understand why if Laxus was such good friends with her father, he hadn't just told him already, and she didn't understand how if he was such good friends with her father, he could stand to have sex with her.

She didn't understand the way he treated her. When they were having sex, he treated her like they were both wild animals, ravenous for it, who's only job was to carry on the race. On their occasional dates, he treated her like she was made of spun glass, and would break if he breathed too heavily, let alone kissed her. When they bumped into each other in bars or on quests, he would treat her like he was an old friend, and they hadn't seen each other in a while. At the guild, he treated her like a piece of trash, as if he didn't care. But she could feel his eyes on her, see his teasing smirk, and the mischievous light in his eyes. So instead of feeling offended, she felt like they had a secret.

She was disgusted by their 'talks'. She was disgusted that he would come up to her saying 'we need to talk' and then, when she finally got a chance to talk to him, he would clam up, and tell her that it was nothing, that it could wait.

She hated that he had no respect for her friends. He laughed at Wakaba all the time, he thought Loke was a pansy, and he thought that Gray and Natsu should just admit their secret gay attraction to each other already, and put us all out of our misery **(I don't think that, btw. I was rewatching some of the episodes from the first season, and my roommate said that. *_* She's crazy…)**. He thought Mira was weak for not fighting anymore, and he said all the time, "And if Elfman screams one more thing about 'A real man' I'm going to put all the lightning I can around him, and shove him in the lake." He _hated_ Macao. He hated that she spent so much time with him, he hated that the guild thought she was in love with him, and he hated that she was willing to let it stand.

She was disgusted with it all. All of it made no sense. Sometimes she wasn't sure why she stayed. But then he would look over with his blue-gray eyes, and they would linger on her face, not her chest, and she would realize all over again why she was still there.

The thing that disgusted her the most about their relationship was how much she loved him.


End file.
